We all have obsessions that manifest in ways we’re not aware of. In the case of media conglomerate Bloomberg, it seems its editorial team is completely infatuated with the millennials, this new generation of 18- to 34-year-olds who refuse to play by the rules of the Olds. After reviewing dozens and dozens of articles by a variety of Bloomberg writers, Gizmodo has one question: Which millennial hurt you, Bloomberg? Here’s just a small selection of the site’s millennial coverage over the past three years:
What Even Are Millennials?
“Millennials Aren’t Cheap, They’re Thrifty”
“Can Millennials Handle Criticism?”
“Are Millennials Financially Screwed?”
“British Millennials ‘Collateral Damage’”
“What Do Teens and Millennials Think Is Cool?”
“Democracy Turns Off Millennials. It Doesn’t Have To.”
“What Millennials Are Doing Right — and Wrong — About Retirement”
“Why Are So Many Millennials Still in the Basement?”
“Prenups for Ideas Are All the Rage With Millennials”
“Have Millennials Made Quitting More Common?”
Blame the Millennials
“Business Is Bad? Blame the Millennials”
“NBC’s $12 Billion Olympics Bet Stumbles, Thanks to Millennials”
“Coffee Loving Millennials Push Demand to a Record”
“Millennials Are Pretty Cocky About Their Investing Skills”
Fix the Millennials
“What Great Gatsby Can Teach Millennials”
“Show a Little Pride, Millennials”
Coddle the Millennials
“How to Keep Millennials From Getting Bored and Quitting”
“Survey: Are You Ready For Another Millennial Survey?”
“Media Companies Overthinking Millennial Viewing Habits?”
You’re Fucked, Millennials
“Americans Are Dying Faster, Millennials Too”
“Millennials: You Can’t Afford a Startup. Time to Get a Job”
“Sorry Millennials, We’re Out of the Jobs You Want”
“Young Americans Giving Up on Getting Rich”
“It’s Been a Rough Coming of Age in the New Century”
Fuck You, Millennials
“The Misery of Mentoring Millennials”
“Millennials Didn’t Invent Living With the ‘Rents”
“Hey Millennials. You Got a Raw Deal. Get Over It.”
And here’s what Bloomberg actually has to say about these puzzling Youngs:
“Let go of your ideas about what you’re entitled to. You’ve never seen such a pack of whiners as my b-school class when we all got laid off and had to find new jobs that paid less than the ones we’d been expecting.”
“Millennials will have to work seven years longer or save twice as much in order to live as well in retirement as their parents. But take heart millennials! The following video should make you feel better.” (Spoiler alert: the video didn’t make me feel better.)
“Millennials don’t want to work in sales, reports the Wall Street Journal. They think it’s exploitative. They also hate the idea of variable compensation; they want a nice, steady job where the company takes the risk, not the worker.”
“Reports are in from managers nationwide that Millennials are not ready, and in many cases not able, to hear about their shortcomings.”
“Younger workers seem less respectful of more experienced colleagues and don’t feel compelled to follow in the same path as their superiors.”
“More people are leaving their jobs, and disloyal young people may have something to do with that.” Or maybe it’s because the olds hate us…
“What ideas do you have for delivering honest, constructive feedback to Millennial employees?” So glad you asked. This is some common advice I also give men when approaching a woman they’re interested in: treat us like real people.
“Millennials aren’t so crazy about your tweets.” I see no lie.
“It’s normal for millennials to say “s—” and “f—” at work.” Shit. Fuck.
“Your task, members of the Class of 2015, is to handle disagreement, pain and offense better than we did — and, in so doing, make Nick Carraway proud.”
“Millennials’ seemingly unquenchable thirst for coffee is helping to push global demand to a record just as supplies are tightening.” Always gotta blame the millennials.
“The behavior and attitudes of people age 18-34 have been scrutinized every which way.” You’re telling me, buddy.
Gizmodo has reached out to Bloomberg to ask which millennial hurt them. We will update the post when we get a response.
