Besides warmer temperatures, the arrival of spring also brings the return of flowers, leaves, grass, and a host of other lifeforms as winter’s cold grasp recedes. But unfortunately, that list also includes insects, and not the cute ones like lady bugs or caterpillars.
No, we’re talking Mother Nature’s smallest predators, the ones with a thirst for blood. Your blood. But you don’t have to let them ruin your leisure time. Here’s everything you need to fight back and reclaim the spring and summer from the bugs, in the name of all mankind.
Bug Repelling CFL Bulb
Sometimes the simplest approach can be the most effective. And while we all know that bugs are attracted to light, they apparently avoid this particular shade of yellow like the plague they’re probably carrying.
Just swap out your outside incandescent bulbs with this CFL alternative and not only will you create a space where bugs fear to tread, you’ll also be saving a few dollars on your monthly power bill. $10
Carnivorous Creations Plant Set
Of course, it’s mother nature that got us into this mess in the first place. What real benefit is there to mosquitoes anyways? So it’s time to turn her own creations against her tiny blood-sucking monsters.
This kit includes some of the most dangerous carnivorous plants known to mankind, including Venus Fly Traps, Yellow Trumpets, Pitcher Plants, Pale Trumpets, and Cobra Lillies. They don’t pose a threat to people, but any insects that happen by will soon find themselves dying a slow, agonizing death. A perfect revenge for all those years of unbearably itchy bites. $25
Bug Vacuum
But maybe you haven’t suffered at the hands of mosquitoes or deer flies enough to feel much anger towards them. If you’d prefer to deal with bugs in a more humane manner, this vacuum will safely trap them until you can return them to the wilderness.
Its 22,400 rpm motor ensures no insect will be able to escape its suction, and the extending tube can hold thousands and thousands of pests before you empty it in the backyard. Just be warned, you’re only sending them back on their way to mate and spawn again, eventually making your situation far worse. $65
Bug Free Sleeping Cocoon
Sometimes the best offense is a good defense, and if you’d prefer to take a completely passive approach to dealing with flying and crawling invaders, this sleeping cocoon will keep everything smaller than a rat out.
Made from tightly wound polyester threads spaced just 1 micron apart, the material keeps all insects, particularly bed bugs, out. And the engineered fabric is far too durable to be chewed through. So while your face is going to take a beating throughout the night, the rest of your body will be bite-free come morning. $80
Propane Mosquito Magnet Trap
If you’re hunting for a more industrial solution to your insect problem, a Propane Magnet Trap can protect up to an entire acre for as long as its tank is full of fuel.
Since mosquitoes and other blood-thirsty insects are attracted to the carbon dioxide you exhale, the Magnetic Trap uses a catalytic convertor to turn propane into C02. When an insect gets close to investigate, it’s sucked inside where it dehydrates and dies in 24 hours. It might seem like you’re cheating by coming at bugs with such advanced technology, but they spend their days endlessly multiplying, so take any advantage you can get. $630
Flypaper Robotic Clock
But what if there was a way to turn an insect infestation into a pro instead of a con? All those mosquito corpses have to be good for something right? They certainly are. At least when killed and harvested by this Flypaper Robotic Clock.
As insects get trapped on its sticky rotating conveyor belt, they’re scraped off at one end and converted to fuel for a simple digital clock. Apparently eight deceased flies can power it for a full twelve days, but with a big enough infestation you might actually be able to power your entire home. (Concept)
Anti-Mosquito Laser Cannon
If laser technology is accurate enough to shoot down spy satellites and inter-continental ballistic missiles, it has to be capable of knocking mosquitoes out of the air, right? They most certainly can as this video demonstrates.
Developed for use in parts of the world where mosquitos and other biting insects rampantly spread malaria, this handheld laser is capable of tracking and shooting down flying bugs in mid-air. Most of the time they’re killed instantly by the intense heat, but the laser also burns off their wings and other appendages so they’re left completely immobile. And, you’re left feeling like some kind of awesome super-villain who’s actually helping the world. Win-win. $TBA
Image by Dmitrijs Bindemanis/Shutterstock
