Have you ever tried to get something that you shouldn’t through US Customs? Frankly, I don’t know how people summon the nerve. Whether it’s illegal drugs, exotic animal meat, or counterfeit purses, people will try to smuggle just about anything. And everyone seems to have their own favorite hiding places. But if any of your favorites are on the list below, you might want to rethink your life choices.
Gizmodo has obtained a list of items confiscated by US Customs and Border Protection (CBP) over this past summer at the 23 different ports of entry in Florida. The list contains over 4,100 items, and while it appears some were confiscated by travelers at airports, others were coming in from commercial shipping vessels.
The two lists below are a non-comprehensive collection of things that people used to conceal their illicit items, along with the items themselves. Unfortunately, CBP didn’t match up the items that were being smuggled with the way they were being transported, but it certainly provides a fun guessing game. Did someone try to smuggle brass knuckles… in… bags of marinade? Probably not. But again, this was in Florida. So you never know.
Just kidding, Florida. But seriously, please don’t give us a President Trump. We promise to stop making fun of you with all the “Florida Man” jokes if you just make sure we don’t get a neo-fascist in the White House.
Methods of concealment (May 25, 2016 – August 25, 2016):
Airbags
Bags of marinade [flavor unspecified]
Baseball caps
Birthday card
Books
Box of Legos
Candles
Candy
CD case
Comic book
Computer bag
Computer part
Cooling fans
DVD case
Father’s Day card
FedEx envelope
Hair gel jars
Jamieson Omega 3-6-9 bottle
Jeans
Laptop computer bag
LED light
Lego set
Lighter as a gift
Louis Vuitton bag
Malta drink can
Metal handicraft
Mickey Mouse satchel
Mug
Napkin holder
Pair of boots
Perfume bottle
Porridge packets
Portable gas grill
Printer cartridges
Puzzle
Small toys
Socks
Talking Genius speakers
Talking Logitech speakers
Toner laser cartridge
Undergarments
So what was seized? There’s the stuff you might expect, like weed, cocaine, and prescription drugs. And the stuff you might not, like DVD box sets of the 1972-1985 British sitcom Are You Being Served. And 48 pounds of cheese. Which are things US Customs agents actually seized. They also took something listed simply as “poem books.” Were the poems too racy for America?
Customs and Border Protection also seized cars, from a 1985 Humvee to a 1999 Rover Mini. There was also a 1998 military truck in there. And ammunition. Like, a lot of ammunition. And pork. So much fucking pork. It’s incredible how many people tried to bring pork into Florida from all over the world this summer and US Customs, for one reason or another, wasn’t having it.
I completely understand why Customs seized some of the items. But others I really don’t get. Like a single turkey sandwich? Or a lone Pokemon ball? Or, again, “poem books.” I reached out to US Customs and Border Patrol in Florida to ask about why seemingly innocuous things like “Disney Collector pins” or “Ham sandwich” were confiscated, and was told that I’d have to get those answers from the Freedom of Information office where I got this list. So (hopefully) look for a follow-up to this post in a month or two.
When I compared Florida’s list to other states (with admittedly far fewer ports of entry) from this past summer, it seems like Florida’s 4,100 seizures, for just May 25 to August 25, was pretty high. By comparison, Oregon had just 47 seizures. Utah had just one. Arkansas had zero seizures this summer, based on the results of other Freedom of Information Act requests filed by Gizmodo.
There’s also a listing that just reads “Captain America” as one of the things that was confiscated in Florida. It feels like someone should probably check on that. Did Captain America get held up at Customs in Miami, or what?
I’ve listed items that sound both strange and mundane to make the list below a fairly representative sample. And if you see Captain America on the street, ask him why he was confiscated by Customs in Florida.
Items seized in Florida (May 25, 2016 – August 25, 2016):
1985 AM General Humvee
1995 Rover Mini1300
1998 ST&ST M1088 Military Truck
1999 Rover Mini
2014 Toyota Camry
2016 Polaris Ranger UTV (Pink)
2016 Polaris Ranger UTV (White)
$10 bill (counterfeit)
Acetaminophen with codeine
Altered passports (Honduras, Guatemala, Sierra Leone, South Africa Venezuela)
Apples
Apple chargers
Apple headphones
Apple iPhone 6 (counterfeit)
Apple LCD Screens
Apple Macbooks
Are You Being Served DVD box sets
Assorted starfish
Avian skull (Peru)
Avocados
Balancing scooters
Bass Pro Shops cap
Beach Body DVDs
Beats by Dr. Dre headphones
Beef empanadas
Belkin car chargers
Ben Nye Banana powder
Birth control pills
Blood sausage (2kg)
Bodybuilding supplements
Botox
Brass knuckles
Brazilian passports
Brownwells AR15 30 round magazines
BSA 22 Riflescope
Burberry shirts (counterfeit)
Buttstock
Cannabis infused coconut oil
Captain America
Captopril (25mg)
Caterpillar nozzles
Cellphone jammer
Chanel gold earrings
Chanel iPhone case
Chanel necklaces
Chanel purse
Chanel wallets
Cheese (30lbs, over USDA quota)
Cheese (38lbs, over USDA quota)
Cheese (48lbs, over USDA quota)
Clomid (50mg)
Clonazepam
Cocaine (62lbs)
Cocaine (Black bag)
Cocaine (Brown bag)
Cocaine (Shoes)
Cocaine concealed in HP Pavilian laptop
Cocaine concealed in steel bars
Cocaine in box
Cocaine vaginal insert
Cocaine (carry on bag)
Coca Cola
Cockfighting spurs
Cojiba Cuban cigars (25)
Collapsible steel baton
Conch meat (12lbs)
Cuban cigars (Diplomaticis el Embajador)
Cuban cigars (Petit Piramides)
Cuban cigars (Cohiba)
Cuban cigars (Juan Lopez Seleccion No. 1)
Cuban cigars (Por Larranaga – Opera)
Crystal methamphetamines
Dell laptop
Denver Broncos SB 50 Championship Ring
Diazepam (5mg)
Dimethyltryptamine (DMT) powder
Disney – Baby Einstein DVDs
Disney Collector Pins
Disney Frozen character costumes
Dunhill cigarettes
Drum magazine
DVDs – MASH TV series
DVDs – Star Trek, Next Generation
DVDs – Star Trek, Voyager Series
E-Cig vapor cartridges with residue
Ecstasy (1.38lbs)
Ferrari phone cover
Fish bladder
Flying fairy
Florida driver’s licenses (counterfeit)
Ford Motor Co auto parts labels
FUB-AMB synthetic cannabinoids marijuana
Girl shoes
Glass pipes – black and clear 9 1/2 inch
Glock 19 9mm
Glock 9mm 30 round firearm magazine
Glock barrel 23, 40 cal conv to 9mm
Goat meat
Gucci belts
Gucci purses
Gucci sneaker
Gucci watch
Ham
Ham and cheese pastries
Ham sandwich
Ham sandwiches (0.5kg)
Hatching eggs from Brazil
Hatching eggs (16EA) Thailand
Hatching eggs (30EA) NL
HDMI cables
Hello Kitty earrings (counterfeit)
Holographic weapon sight
Honduran birth certificates
Huawei cellphone faceplates
Humanitarian release
Ibuprofen
Iguana meat (o.31kg)
Iguana meat and eggs
Illinois drivers licenses (counterfeit)
Jeep/ Fuel tank cap
Ketamine (10ML)
Lacoste bags
Lacoste shirts (counterfeit)
Lacoste sneakers
Lacoste wallets
Laser sight
Lego set
Levis sweaters
LG HBS-800 headphones
LG HBS-900 headphones
Liquid cocaine
Louis Vuitton bag
Louis Vuitton belts
Louis Vuitton eyeglasses
Louis Vuitton footwear
Louis Vuitton leather belts
Louis Vuitton necklaces
Louis Vuitton phone covers
Louis Vuitton rose gold earrings
Louis Vuitton wallets
LSD
Mac lipstick (counterfeit)
Marijuana seeds
Marijuana – Kushy Punch Gummy
Marijuana cream
Marijuana grinders
Marijuana oil
Marijuana seed (0.01 gram)
Meth (bags containing 0.56 grams)
Mickey/Minnie Chain/Earrings (counterfeit)
Mickey Mouse pajamas
Micro SD (64 GB)
Micro SD (16 GB)
Micro SD (2 GB)
Micro SD (32 GB)
Micro SD (4 GB)
Micro SD (8GB)
Micro SD memory cards 128GB
Milwaukee Bucks cap
Mini flags
Miscellaneous documents
Monsters Inc phone covers
Mouse pads
NBA hats (counterfeit)
NFL jerseys (counterfeit)
Nike bag
Nike cleats
Nike Lebron James shoes
Nike shorts
Nike socks
Oakley gloves (counterfeit)
Otter box phone cases
Oxycodone
Oxymetholone 50
Pack of envelopes
Packing box
Packing tape
Padlock
Pamphlet
Peppa Pig earring (counterfeit)
Pistol
Plants for planting
Plastic piggy banks
Plastic vial with methamphetamine
Playing cards
PMAG 30 AR/M4 GEN M2
PMAG 5.56×45 AR-15 magazine
Poem books
Pokemon ball
Porcupine quills (0.03lbs)
Pork blood sausage
Pork meat tamales (2kg)
Pork meat tamales (8kg)
Poke pate
Pork rinds
Pork sandwich (0.5kg)
Pork sausage (1kg)
Pork skins
Pork (hot dogs)
Pork/beef sausages
Pork mortadella
Pot holder
Princess peppa sneakers
Pro mag .380
Pro mag 9mm pistol magazine
Psilocybin truffles
Pumpkin seeds
Puzzle box
PXP3 Gameboy with Spiderman image
Real Madrid hats
Red dot sights
Rifle stock
Ritalina (10mg)
Rolex Cellini watch
Rolex Day-Date Presidential watches
Rolex Oyster watch
Rolex watch Daytona
Rose apple seeds
Ruger trigger guard laser
Ruger 9E
Ruger LCR .38 SPL
Ruminant meat
S&W 9mm pistol magazine
Samsung cellphone faceplates
Samsung Galaxy 4 cellphones
Samsung Galaxy Note S7 cellphones
Shells
Shirt
Sim cards
Skittles bag
Skullcandy earphones
Slimming suit
Smith & Wesson Bodyguard .380
Smith & Wesson M&P 9 Shield
Smith & Wesson Model 66/357 Magnum
Smith & Wesson Revolver 38 special
Smoke grenades
Smurfs toy action figures
Soap set
Sodium chloride
Soft cheese
Sony MDR-1A headphone
Sony LT25 digitizers
Sony M4 cellphone digitizers
Sony PS3 wireless controllers
Sony Walkman mini radios
Stanozolol (10ML)
Stanozolol (25mg)
Stanozolol (50mg) steroids
Stanozolol vial (10ML)
Straw
Sterile needles
Steroids/dianabol
Stun gun
Sunflower seeds
Super Bowl rings
Sweet limes
Switchblade knives
Synthetic LSD
Syringes
Tag Huer watch (counterfeit)
Toyota emblems
Tulsky SVT40 rifle
Turkey sandwich (1kg)
Turtle meat from NK 434
Unknown beige rock
Unknown blue pills
Unknown blue tablets
Unknown leaves
Unknown pill
Unknown plant
Unknown seeds
Unknown white pills
Unknown white pills- with dividing line
Unknown white round pills
Unknown yellow pills
US currency concealed in G hand bag
US currency concealed in grey Guess bag
US currency concealed in LV purse
US currency concealed in Mickey mouse bag
Usain Bolt tee shirt
Viagra (counterfeit)
Viagra labels
Vitamin B6
Wells Fargo Cashier’s Check ($50,000)
Xanax
X-Box One controllers
Yam
Yellow bars with silver rings
Yellow colored watch
Zeiss rifle scope (counterfeit)
Zolpidem
Again, this is an incomplete list. But if you want to see the full list, I’ve uploaded it here.
