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Tech NewsReport: Vegan Mayo Startup Is Actually Totally Full of It
A familiar tale has emerged from the bowels of Silicon Valley of late. A startup—usually based on some fancy, technology-heavy concept—woos investors and customers, raises a ton of money, and seems poised to take over the world. But then someone does some digging and uncovers a bunch of crooked numbers and shoddy business practices, and … Continued
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Tech NewsSocial Media
Facebook Royalty Reveal Master Plan to ‘Cure All Diseases’
Back in April, Mark Zuckerberg announced to the world that he is, in fact, God, and said he wanted to “[help] to cure all diseases by the end of this century.” Today, accompanied by Priscilla Chan, his wife and co-pilot on the God plane, Mark announced a $3 billion plan to cure disease. Zuck and … Continued
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Tech News
Tesla Sued Because ‘Insane Mode’ Isn’t Insane Enough
According to 126 Tesla customers, the Model S sedan P85D performance version can eat dirt, because its “insane mode” isn’t as insane as the company claims. Bloomberg reports that the customers, who live in Norway, have now filed a lawsuit against Elon Musk’s automotive company. They’re looking for “unspecified reimbursements” because they believe the car’s … Continued
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Tech News
North Korea’s Internet Only Has 28 Websites But They Sure Are Sweet
North Korea is something of a locked box to the rest of the world, and even one of the handiest apparatuses through which you can glimpse cultural habits—the internet—is largely inaccessible to anyone outside the country. Thanks to what appears to be an accidental reveal, however, we can now peek inside North Korea’s internet tubes. … Continued
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Tech News
Possible Gizmodo Fan Angelina Jolie Is Divorcing Brad Pitt
TMZ reports that Angelina Jolie, actress, noted humanitarian, and possible Gizmodo fan, has filed for divorce from husband Brad Pitt. From TMZ: Jolie filed legal docs Monday citing irreconcilable differences. She’s asking for physical custody of the couple’s 6 children. She is asking the judge to give Pitt visitation. It’s significant … she does not … Continued
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Tech News
Tinder Now Helps You Swipe Left on Nickelback Fans Before It’s Too Late
Music is an important indicator of a person’s character. I refuse to date anyone who regularly listens to Dave Matthews Band, for example, because Dave Matthews Band is terrible. But sometimes you don’t discover this important information until it’s too late, and then you’re stuck on a lame date with someone who has awful taste … Continued
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Tech News
Apple Unveils Bag
Silicon Valley is the capital of disruption. It’s the epicenter of the innovation earthquake. It’s the leader of the new way forward. And Apple, as the industry’s Think Different darling, is at the forefront of the revolution. So much so, in fact, that it decided a patent a sweet bag. The patent was filed in … Continued
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Tech News
How to Piss Off Your Friends With iMessage Apps
iOS 10 is here, and it brings a whole host of terrible features to iMessage. You can now send the most important people in your life bad stickers, insensitive animations, and more proof than they ever needed that you’re a total dick. In fact, the new iMessage helps you fulfill the so-called best piece of … Continued
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Tech News
How to Break the iPhone 7 in GIFs
Hordes of people will soon have a brand new iPhone 7 in their hands, and you know what that means: a lot of people will immediately screw it up. But while there will always be ways to completely destroy a new iPhone, Apple has designed the new device to withstand at least some physical stress. … Continued
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Tech NewsWoman’s Vape Explodes, May Her Fancy Louis Vuitton Bag Rest In Peace
Mara McInerney was visiting a Sunglass Hut at the Freehold Raceway Mall in New Jersey on Sunday, just minding her own business, when everything went terribly, horribly wrong. NBC New York reports that McInerney’s vape—which the accompanying NBC video suggests is a pink KangerTech model—was chilling in her Louis Vuitton handbag, which she says she … Continued
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Tech News
Tesla Says an Oil Executive Tried to Impersonate Elon Musk With a Lame Yahoo Email Address
Elon Musk doesn’t seem like somebody whose shoes you’d want to be in lately—he’s had a number of terrible, horrible, no good, very bad days—but one oil executive allegedly tried to make it happen anyway. According to a lawsuit filed by Tesla Motors on Wednesday, Todd Katz, the chief financial officer for an oil and … Continued
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Tech NewsThis Tiny House Costs $1,200 and Takes Just Three Hours to Build
As a general rule, I don’t believe in miniaturizing things for the sake of miniaturizing them, and that includes dogs and baked goods. (Golf is fine.) But this tiny house is an exception. It’s called France, and it’s a prototype designed by Joshua Woodsman of Pin-Up Houses, which sells plans for sheds, cottages, and tiny … Continued
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Tech NewsSocial Media
Sheryl Sandberg Grovels to Head of State After Facebook Botches Vietnam War Photo Removal
On Friday, Facebook fucked up yet again and flagged Nick Ut’s Pulitzer prize-winning photograph of Phan Thị Kim Phúc. After a massive wave of public backlash, the social network finally decided to apologize and reinstate the photo. Now, however, it’s going even further with its apology—all the way to Norway. “These are difficult decisions and … Continued
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Tech NewsSocial Media
Facebook Stops September 11th Anniversary From Trending Due to Hoax Story
Facebook’s trending news module is making headlines again, and this time it’s for propping up 9/11 truther nonsense as “news.” Instead of simply removing the offending article, however, the platform has now dropped the trending topic—broadly titled “September 11th Anniversary”—altogether. As multiple people noted on Twitter today, the top story in the “September 11th Anniversary” … Continued
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Tech NewsSocial MediaStore Is Very Sorry for Exploiting 9/11 With Its ‘Twin Tower Sale’ Commercial
In a deeply regrettable attempt to cash in on human tragedy using viral video magic, a company called Miracle Mattress decided to film and post a bizarre commercial promoting its “Twin Tower sale.” Welp! The 21-second spot was originally posted to Facebook, but it’s since been taken down. Nevertheless, a copy was captured and uploaded … Continued
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Tech NewsGadgets
Florida Man Says His Galaxy Note 7 Exploded and Set His Jeep on Fire
Samsung’s Galaxy Note 7 phones have had a busy couple of weeks. They’re exploding all over the place, and as a result, the company has been forced to issue a massive recall and stop shipments of new phones. Oh, and now the spark-happy gadgets apparently set some poor guy’s Jeep ablaze. According to a report … Continued
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Tech News
Disney World Now Makes Toddlers Get Fingerprint Scans
The Most Magical Place on Earth has started scanning the fingers of three-year-olds in an effort to prevent ticket fraud, because you can never be too careful about tiny babies that have only just started communicating properly. The Orlando Sentinel reports that children between the ages of three and nine will now have their fingers … Continued
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Tech News
Palantir Files Nasty Lawsuit Claiming Early Investor Stole Its Ideas
Palantir Technologies, the Peter Thiel-founded company known for its air of mystery and beer pong-friendly culture, has filed a lawsuit against early investor Marc Abramowitz, claiming he stole company secrets for his own gain and deceived company executives. The lawsuit, filed on September 1, was originally identified by Law.com and brought to our attention by … Continued
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Tech News
Hundreds of Thousands of Creepy Ants Found Chilling in an Abandoned Soviet Bunker
Sometimes in life, you get lucky and end up living in a normal ant colony. But sometimes, you find yourself shit out of luck, living out your days in a cold, dark abandoned Soviet bunker. Such is the case for a “colony” of wood-ants in Western Poland. According to research recently published in the Journal … Continued
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Tech News
Fancy Burning Man Camp Ransacked by Vandals
The White Ocean camp at Burning Man says that it’s made up of “dreamers that blur the lines between reality and the impossible.” Unfortunately for White Ocean, however, “reality” recently meant getting its shit fucked up by a bunch of vandals. According to a lengthy Facebook post published by the camp on Thursday, the magical … Continued
Sophie Kleeman
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